Begonia nappers!

As I transition to my new house, I find myself feeling ambivalent and even afraid sometimes in my new neighborhood. It's in a low-income, mostly black area of Charleston and I'm hoping to provide added value to the community, which -- to be honest -- could use some added value. But at the same time, I'm concerned that my idea of added value is (a) naive/entitled/condescending and (b) unwanted.

My efforts thus far have been cosmetic and self-serving: picking up litter on the side of the street (my side of the street, that is), gardening out front, and calling the city/police/phone company to clean up graffiti, dangling phones wires and an abandoned bike near my property, all of which have been resolved. These issues were there long before I arrived and I wonder if the neighbors resent my interventions (e.g., "it was fine the way it was and she thinks she's better than this neighborhood"), or worse, think I have some special access to resources (e.g., "she's a privileged white girl and that's why the city listened to her"). Or (most likely) they haven't even noticed / don't attribute it to the new neighbor / don't care, which, of course, is the least self-centered scenario.

Except that someone did notice, at least enough to steal half of the little begonia plants that I planted in front of my house. Besides hurting my feelings and causing me to stick thorns in the remaining begonia plants as a defense (I know...a little weird), it affected my feelings toward the people on my street.

(As I'm writing this, I'm feeling mildly embarrassed at reporting the [relatively harmless] event above, given that a college student was held up nearby and shot a couple of days ago. And, in fact, I feel guilty too, because when I read the Post and Courier and all of the racist, idiotic comments people make on the website, I feel defensive and protective, and now I'm writing about a predominantly black neighborhood and feel like I'm adding fuel to the fire. But this is actually why I'm writing - I'm trying to live in Charleston and am feeling challenged right now, but I hope I'm still writing responsibly.)

(And, in fact, I find it interesting that I selected the college student incident as an example of a more upsetting event. Even though I read every day about murders, etc., happening in the area, most often to minority, low-income Charlestonians, the incident that is most salient to me is the terrible but flukey case of a presumably white college student at CofC getting shot.)

But back to my tribulations...

The begonia napping incident was interesting to me for several reasons:
1. Trying to understand the "motive," which for me means the internal and external cues, immediate cognitions and underlying belief system that would lead someone to pluck six begonia plants out of the ground.
2. Observing the automatic thoughts I experienced when it happened, the cognitive shift that has occurred since then and how it has already affected my behavior. Not for the better, sad to say.
3. Related to 1 and 2: trying to find a reason for the event that would elicit empathy (e.g., he needed to bring flowers to grandma) rather than the more likely, instrument cause ($ for reselling). Why is that even important?
4. Figuring out how to be a good neighbor but not a tool.

I will spare you (myself?) my amateur social psychology explanations for 1-3 but #4 is going to be an ongoing challenge, I can tell. I also want to do what's socially appropriate (do I go over to my neighbors' houses to introduce myself or should they welcome me by coming by? what if it's an apartment building with a few units? Should I go over to meet the guy who sits caddy cornered to my house (it's far enough away to be ambiguous as to what to do)? I feel loathe to do anything right now since the begonia incident (and actually a few other things like people yelling at me on my porch or approaching for money/alcohol). I just feel such a tight smile on my face now when I'm outside, like "Hi, I'm friendly, don't hurt me or my house." Basically, I just feel so white right now! Which feels lousy.

I could go on and on (and have already), but there is plenty that will keep.